Thursday, August 04, 2005

Harry Potter 7: If you want something done...

Like everyone in the whole wide world, I am anxious for book 7 of the Harry Potter series. I have been imagining, and imagining, and imagining what will happen. Then it donged on me. You know what Sebastian says: you want someteen done, you got to do eet yo-self! So here goes!

Chapter 1: Brunch, Be-muggling, and Bragadocio

Anselm's Literal and Figurative Spirits Tavern was by any account a busy but quiet destination on Knockturn Alley the morning after the Half-Blood Prince fulfilled his unbreakable vow. Though a longtime dark wizard destination, the bustle was noticeable, if not to muggles, at least to non-dark-wizarding folk. Quiet, devilish hands shook each other, and whispers of congratulations were growing into a steady murmur. The Dark Lord ordered floating fish and chips.

Alone at his table in the corner, this was the most public Lord Voldemort had been since his return, and yet there were series of hexes, charms, and Wizard cigar smokes occlimating his table. Still many of the dark wizards recognized that there was an air of triumph in the musty corner to which the order of floating fish and chips had just casually floated.

Snape entered Anselm's like a prince and marched straight to the triumphant table. "My Lord, I see you've ordered floating fish and chips"

"Yesssssssssssss SSSSSSnape"

"Come again?" asked Snape

"Sorry--Parseltongue, you know, you just get so used to speaking it, you forget that not everyone can understand, and you just kind of lapse into it! My apologies, Severus...sincerest." replied Voldemort, with care and precision.

"Lord Voldemort, we've not a moment to lose. The Potter boy is vulnerable."

"Oh Snape! Your focus is inimitable! Yes, we are moving on Potter this very moment. He is growing in strength you know Severus. I should like for him to drink from the Goblet of the Gninekaew!"

"A brilliant idea! Might I make a suggestion? If we were to..." (at this point, Snape's voice turned to a thin whisper, and he sketched some drawings with his wand on his tabula rasa) "...and before you can say 'Bob's your uncle'..."

"Yes. Severus. Yes." Voldermort nodded knowingly. Though Voldemort was not one to enjoy the company or friendship of others, he could scarcely contain his excitement now about the clearly realizable prospect of destroying Harry Potter for good. A sheepish but increasingly confident grin swept across The Dark Lord's face. The Dark Lord extended his hand and Snape swallowed it up in his, and the two shared a menacing, evil grimace which grimace's reverberations would be felt around both the muggle and the wizarding world, but most acutely in the lightning shaped remnant of Lord Voldemort on the forehead of one Harry Potter.


ubi meli, ibi apes ubique Harry shouted across the table to Fred Weasley as he had been using his Wizard's Beginning Dancing Kit for Kitchen Items to make a jar of honey appear to be dancing with a soft-boiled egg. They both started to smile before they recalled the depressing situation that brought the party together. Times were undeniably difficult for Harry Potter. Very, very difficult. This was not a time to be a simple young wizard. No. For whatever strange reason, Harry had been selected as "the chosen one" and Lord Voldemort had taken it upon himself to rid Harry of any meaningful support. As if it hadn't been enough to just leave him to be raised by the Dursleys, Voldemort had systematically removed Harry's most trusted mentors, Godfathers, and in short all reliable grown-ups. Harry came to the realization over a period of months now: If he is to be successful in defeating Voldemort, his greatest allies were the simple teen and pre-teen members of Gryffindor at Hogwarts; especially Ron, and Hermione.

But thinking about Ron and Hermione only made Harry remember that when he was around them now, he felt more and more like a third wheel. He had tried to read up on how to adjust. He had glanced through Irnesto Hagleby's Incantations, Inflamations, and Infatuations: An outsider's fieldguide to Friend's Who Become Lovers And even Gawain Prince's My Best Wizard Friend is Now Dating my Other Best Wizard Friend—and Where Does that Leave Me?

Harry had been through a lot. One need only review his tumultuous tenure at Hogwarts to see undeniable evidence of that! And yet, Harry Potter was still standing. And so was Lord Voldemort. Harry could sense clearer than ever that his destiny and Voldemort's were on an unrelenting collision course. Unthinkingly, he reached for his glowing, burning scar, and fainted in pain.

Well, it's not quite there. I would love any input, especially with regard to duh! spells, and also: dialogue between Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and Harry and Ginny Weasley, or other portions as you see fitting. If you didn't notice, I pretty much have Voldermort and Snape down, or I at least like the direction things are going for them so far. I am going to try to get this published as the 7th Harry Potter book. I know I will need A LOT more words and chapters, believe me. My friend's say that there is a slim chance, because of copyright issues and such, but my response is:
1. nothing that is of lasting value is easy.
2. You (and in this case I) can do anything you (I) set your (my) mind to.
3. This is something that I have set as a goal, and I REALLY have set my mind to it.


  1. Gabby2:56 PM

    Your vision of Snape and Voldemort is right on. And floating fish and chips -- genious! I'm very impressed. I would definitely push ahead and try to get book 7 published. I can certainly imagine Ms. Rowling is getting pretty tired of coming up with Harry Potter plots. It's kind of you to give her break.

    I look forward to future installments.

  2. jordan12:58 PM

    Ben I loved your entry. On Simpsons the other day they go to London and Lisa runs into J.K. Rowling. The conversation goes like this.
    Lisa: J.K. Rowling! I love your books. Can you tell me how the story ends?

    Rowling: He grown up and marries you! Is that what you want to hear?

    Lisa: Yes!!!!!! (In a dreamy voice with a far-off look in her eyes)

    Rowling: (Rolls her eyes and walks away)

  3. What happens before you say "Bob's your uncle?" Because I have an Uncle Bob, and if something bad is going to happen I should warn him, or at least have him up his life insurance.

  4. I am a firm believer that somehow we could intertwine the HP series with Star Wars and cause Young Harry to BECOME Voldemort.

  5. So, who's this Harvey Porter and what's all the fuss?

  6. I like Jenny's idea. Maybe Voldemort could be Harry's father. I don't think anyone would see that coming.

  7. So, when do we get chapter 2? Or are you going all JK Rowling on us?

    And Ben, you might add the following to your list of responses to nay-saying "friends": What doesn't kill you (me) only makes you (me) stronger. (It seems as relevant in this situation as any.)

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  9. Jeff: To tell you what happens before you can say: "Bob's your uncle" would be to give away the whole book, and by extension, the whole series. Maybe tell your Uncle to just mind his Ps and Qs?

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  11. Chris: I can't believe I'm having to explain this to you. First, it's Harry (not Harvey) Potter (not Porter). Harry Potter is a record-breaking children/teen fantasy book series about a young boy raised by muggles--sorry, raised by, I guess the best way to put it is, regular people? Anyway, he's actually a wizard, meaning he can do fascinating magic things. He gets a wand, he plays quidditch--sorry, it's a game that wizards play on flying broomsticks, the object is to catch a golden, ultra-fast-flying, elusive ball, called a "snitch". Anyway, he has adventure after adventure after adventure. And when I say adventure, I mean adventure, as in awesome things around every corner. Oh! there is so much more to tell. Here, try going here or here or here that last one is apparently the ULTIMATE Harry Potter site. Also, try here.

    I hope you love Harry Potter as much as I love Harry Potter, i.e. with all my heart.

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  13. Jenny and Salem: You are right on! I am trying to give Harry a middle name so that his whole name will read something like:

    I am the real heir of Slytherin, the son of Voldemort


    Tom's my dad


    Riddle's the name, His son is my game.


    Hot pot, prytter pat, I'm Lord Voldemort

    I could definitely use some help.

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  15. Kacy: writing is an exhausting exercise. It takes more courage, humility, imagination, sympathetic listening, and attention to detail than I ever imagined. Combine that with trying to do justice to a cultural phenomenon like the Harry Potter series and it is like having my blood drawn.

    I really can't be tied down to deadlines right now because I don't want to compromise the integrity of my craft. Does anyone have JK Rowling's phone number or contact info.? If yes, please share. The more I work on this, the more I think this might be better as a collaborative work between me and Ms. Rowling. Thoughts?

    In addition to your 'what doesn't kill you (me)' quote, how about this one:

    Our deepest fear is not that we are (I am) inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are (I am) powerful beyond measure. It is our (my) light, not our (my) darkness that most frightens us (me). We (I) ask ourselves (myself), Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are (am) you (I) not to be? You are (I am) a child of God. Your (my) playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you (me). We are all (I am) meant to shine, as children do. We were (I was) born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us (me). It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone (me). And as we (I) let our (my) own light shine, we (I) unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are (I am) liberated from our (my) own fear, our (my) presence automatically liberates others.

  16. ben, since i am not really into HP, i cant contribute much on that subject, however, the first paragraph about sebastian has been making me laugh since i read it...still laughing!

  17. Stephanie, I love Sebastian, that simple crab eclipses in my mind any Robin Williams character, or Gilbert Gotfried, Nathan Lane, or Law and Order man sidekick.

    And if you don't read Harry Potter because of the blatant Satanism, I would argue that it is much more subtle than you might think.

  18. I realize it may be too late to introduce this concept but what if it turned out Harry name was Harry Potter V. Everyone would assume he was simply the fifth Harry Potter, when it actually stood for Voldemort.

  19. Ms. Rowling10:54 PM


    I really like your ideas. Why didn't I think of floating fish and chips in earlier books? I'll be contacting you soon to work out the contract details for book 7.

    warmest personal regards,


  20. Ssssssss hiss hiss, hisssssss slither hiss. Hissss hiiiiissssssssss fish 'n' chips hisssss slither hissss! :)

  21. Ms. Rowling:

    Thank goodness you commented on my blog! I have really been getting the run around from "your people". Let's do stay in touch, I think we can really push each other in some interesting ways that will ultimately, I think, make for a most compelling story.

    Warm Regards,

    PS. I am fine to work this out over my blog, but if you would like to do some work together offline, perhaps you could give me some other contact info? I can be reached through SmartNoise for now (link on my links). The number is: 914-777-2300.

    Again Best regards. And I am so excited!!!